Saturday, February 07, 2004
True confessions of a Gotham Book Girl
True confessions of a Gotham Book Girl: "Thursday, January 29, 2004
I really feel that with the lovely snow, and the quiet that envelopes the city during the winter, that I shouldn't launch into a full scale rant...but that's all just unfortunate--I NEED TO RANT.
Maybe some of you out there are familiar with what I've decided to call the Curse of Capability. It's a ruthless, merciless and relentless spell that can completely undo you.
Allow me to expound...It seems that over the last 6 months or so I've been given a lot of extra responsibility, larger tasks in addition to my regular editorial and other duties. I don't mind doing these things as I like to be a valuable member of a team and I like my work. It isn't even all that upsetting that I haven't received more $$$$ compensation for these extra duties (sure I'm not thrilled, but these days it's just good to have a good job!!) What bothers me, is that because I present myself as capable and willing, I get taken advantage of. SO BLATANTLY!!! And it isn't just work, it's relationships, family, everything.
At work I get extra duties because they know (a) I will get them done (b) that I believe in the book so I am a great champion for it. But some of these things I am doing ought to be done by another (fully staffed, I might add) department that whinges alot and makes noise that they have too much to do. So for my being capable and not a complainer...they end up getting relieved of duties they ought to be doing, and I end up with their work AND mine. Hmmmm...what's wrong with that picture????
In relationships...I have friend who are real ninnies. And I don't mean this in a mean way...they just don't seem to be able to do much for themselves. I on the other hand can manage most anything myself, maybe because I am an only child...I don't know. I'm also not very good at asking for help even when I do need it. That said, it seems that because again, I appear to be able to handle things (recent serious illnesses, family emergencies, etc) that everyone thinks I need no one to lean on. I never get to be weak or break into tears from sheer frustration. And it's the same with my family...there seems to be this attitude of "Don't worry, she can handle it. She's tough. She'll be fine". Well I'm not always fine, and I can't always just walk it off...ok? Things hurt me too, and I sometimes get tired of being the strong one. UGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay...how totally unattractive is that? I apologise, but I just had to see the words on paper so I didn't explode at someone and really make a mess. See I don't generally like messes, so I'm apt to take over just for the sake of order and peace, so I suppose I've brought this all on myself. I guess I just wish it wasn't sometimes so hard to be strong and independent...or at least to appear that way.
I stood outside on our balcony the night it snowed, and the city was so quiet. I could have been home in Minnesota and listening to the river next to my house as it gurgled and bubbled. (Yes, even in the winter I like fresh air and open windows...another sure sign I'm somehow unbalanced...but hey, where I'm from we build palaces of ice in the winter, so that tells you something!!) Anyway, it made me feel like home, and that's a good thing now and then.
be good out there, and enjoy the snow!!!
Cheers,
posted by moi | 29.1.04
Ditto GBG!!!
I really feel that with the lovely snow, and the quiet that envelopes the city during the winter, that I shouldn't launch into a full scale rant...but that's all just unfortunate--I NEED TO RANT.
Maybe some of you out there are familiar with what I've decided to call the Curse of Capability. It's a ruthless, merciless and relentless spell that can completely undo you.
Allow me to expound...It seems that over the last 6 months or so I've been given a lot of extra responsibility, larger tasks in addition to my regular editorial and other duties. I don't mind doing these things as I like to be a valuable member of a team and I like my work. It isn't even all that upsetting that I haven't received more $$$$ compensation for these extra duties (sure I'm not thrilled, but these days it's just good to have a good job!!) What bothers me, is that because I present myself as capable and willing, I get taken advantage of. SO BLATANTLY!!! And it isn't just work, it's relationships, family, everything.
At work I get extra duties because they know (a) I will get them done (b) that I believe in the book so I am a great champion for it. But some of these things I am doing ought to be done by another (fully staffed, I might add) department that whinges alot and makes noise that they have too much to do. So for my being capable and not a complainer...they end up getting relieved of duties they ought to be doing, and I end up with their work AND mine. Hmmmm...what's wrong with that picture????
In relationships...I have friend who are real ninnies. And I don't mean this in a mean way...they just don't seem to be able to do much for themselves. I on the other hand can manage most anything myself, maybe because I am an only child...I don't know. I'm also not very good at asking for help even when I do need it. That said, it seems that because again, I appear to be able to handle things (recent serious illnesses, family emergencies, etc) that everyone thinks I need no one to lean on. I never get to be weak or break into tears from sheer frustration. And it's the same with my family...there seems to be this attitude of "Don't worry, she can handle it. She's tough. She'll be fine". Well I'm not always fine, and I can't always just walk it off...ok? Things hurt me too, and I sometimes get tired of being the strong one. UGGHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Okay...how totally unattractive is that? I apologise, but I just had to see the words on paper so I didn't explode at someone and really make a mess. See I don't generally like messes, so I'm apt to take over just for the sake of order and peace, so I suppose I've brought this all on myself. I guess I just wish it wasn't sometimes so hard to be strong and independent...or at least to appear that way.
I stood outside on our balcony the night it snowed, and the city was so quiet. I could have been home in Minnesota and listening to the river next to my house as it gurgled and bubbled. (Yes, even in the winter I like fresh air and open windows...another sure sign I'm somehow unbalanced...but hey, where I'm from we build palaces of ice in the winter, so that tells you something!!) Anyway, it made me feel like home, and that's a good thing now and then.
be good out there, and enjoy the snow!!!
Cheers,
posted by moi | 29.1.04
Ditto GBG!!!
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