Sunday, March 27, 2011

One more post before March ends

I saw a quote but can't find it again about how much we lose if we don't even try. The story of my life has been to probably try to do too many things and not spend enough time back in my comfort zone. But I also think that both sides of my family wired me for that since we don't fit any traditional mold. ;-)

We're having one more day of wintry weather - snow/rain mix later today. It would be nice to see some pretty snow but it is spring, after all.

Returning from spring break at the university also means figuring out how to get everything done that has to be done before the semester ends. The good news about this summer is that there won't be all this constant contact throughout the summer that has always been totally unnecessary  - esp. given that it primarily resulted from a lack of planning or the wrong people trying to control the outcome.

First on the list is to finish advising students while also reminding myself you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. My colleagues now have student concern forms that they can fill out if they believe a student is having trouble and needs help. So, I will have to listen to many fewer complaints indicating that it is entirely up to me to do something about it. It's a team effort and now there is paperwork to back that up. We should catch them before they get to the end. Having a student teacher who simply quit showing up when it was his turn to take over will help reinforce the importance of our supervising the students in the program. Too many students take the teacher education route as "default" and, especially with the current job market, that just doesn't make sense. Most importantly, I finally have a chair who is both willing to make and willing to support the tough decisions that are in the students' best interests in the long run even if they don't appear that way in the short run.

Time to go back to writing.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Not Ready for Spring

We made it through the first anniversaries. I think that was why I wanted it to still be winter. We just had one cold weekend after we lost her and spring's arrival this year would signal that a year had passed. I can't believe it and yet I can. Allergies are bothering quite a few people and I think of how they are not bothering her this year. 

I know I carry parts of her inside of me and always will. But I still miss her. I still miss her sage advice and her great way of being comfort. I remember at some point in my 20s that she told me she worried she would ever know how to be a good Mom since she had never really had a mother (hers died when she was 6 - penicillin would have prevented it but it wasn't invented yet). I was so shocked she said something like that since I always thought she was a wonderful mother. My only complaint was thinking she favored my brother a bit but I assumed all siblings think the other sibling is the favored one. 

Mom's car is now in my garage. It's still an eerie feeling. I made sure Dad was ready for me to have it given past experience. He "liked" my Facebook status when I took a picture of how I was (finally!) able to fit it in beside the Tahoe. I was worried once I got it in that I would not be able to open the door but I was. 

We still miss her.


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