Saturday, March 12, 2011
Not Ready for Spring
We made it through the first anniversaries. I think that was why I wanted it to still be winter. We just had one cold weekend after we lost her and spring's arrival this year would signal that a year had passed. I can't believe it and yet I can. Allergies are bothering quite a few people and I think of how they are not bothering her this year.
I know I carry parts of her inside of me and always will. But I still miss her. I still miss her sage advice and her great way of being comfort. I remember at some point in my 20s that she told me she worried she would ever know how to be a good Mom since she had never really had a mother (hers died when she was 6 - penicillin would have prevented it but it wasn't invented yet). I was so shocked she said something like that since I always thought she was a wonderful mother. My only complaint was thinking she favored my brother a bit but I assumed all siblings think the other sibling is the favored one.
Mom's car is now in my garage. It's still an eerie feeling. I made sure Dad was ready for me to have it given past experience. He "liked" my Facebook status when I took a picture of how I was (finally!) able to fit it in beside the Tahoe. I was worried once I got it in that I would not be able to open the door but I was.
We still miss her.
I know I carry parts of her inside of me and always will. But I still miss her. I still miss her sage advice and her great way of being comfort. I remember at some point in my 20s that she told me she worried she would ever know how to be a good Mom since she had never really had a mother (hers died when she was 6 - penicillin would have prevented it but it wasn't invented yet). I was so shocked she said something like that since I always thought she was a wonderful mother. My only complaint was thinking she favored my brother a bit but I assumed all siblings think the other sibling is the favored one.
Mom's car is now in my garage. It's still an eerie feeling. I made sure Dad was ready for me to have it given past experience. He "liked" my Facebook status when I took a picture of how I was (finally!) able to fit it in beside the Tahoe. I was worried once I got it in that I would not be able to open the door but I was.
We still miss her.
Labels: anniversaries, Mom
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