Friday, August 31, 2007

Absent Students

Thanks to Profgrrrrl:

Thursday, August 30, 2007
I've been saving this gem for a rainy day.

Dear Ms. Grrrrl,

I am registered in your Complexification for Future Leaders course, but did not attend class today. I want to apologize. Let me explain. I drove to campus and then could not find parking, no matter how much I hoped or prayed. At 12:30, when class was starting, I gave up and drove home. I had been looking for at least 10 minutes and no one left the lot or anything during that time. Then I thought about walking, but when I looked outside the sky seemed gray. I thought it best to not take any chances.

Please excuse my absence.

Staydry Sally

Dear. Sally,

Thanks so much for your note. I'm actually relieved that you chose to not attend class today when you found parking to be a challenge and then feared the weather too inclement to walk. It actually wasn't bad weather at all -- I should know, because I walked 20 min to the classroom building and 20 minutes back in blazing sunshine. There were a few white fluffy clouds, but nothing resembling rain. Anyway, I digress. I am glad you made this excuse because it means that certainly you will excuse me when I neglect to show up for class because of the rain --- yes, that pesky 20 minute walk from my office could mean that I'd get quite wet on the way to class. I suppose I could drive the 1.5 miles from my office to the classroom, but as you already noted, parking is hard to come by here. Even for faculty.

In the future, may I suggest using the campus valet service? From what I hear, they'll even escort you from curb to door with a huge umbrella! And detail your car while you attend your lecture!

Absolutely consider your absence excused. And feel free to not come in excessive wind (messes the hair) or heat (wouldn't want you to perspire), if you have cramps, if you have a blister on your foot, if your best friend is in town visiting, or any other situation in which you might experience a tiny bit of discomfort or inconvenience. I'll excuse you for all of these absences. Of course I will. As I'm sure you'll excuse me when I deduct from your grade for them, per the policy on the syllabus.

Love & long walks,
Dr. Profgrrrrl

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