Monday, November 26, 2007

Harder than I thought

Yesterday was harder than I thought and was quite a challenge. I wanted to spend some time at home so I can get used to not having Shadow here. I did get in a walk/run around the neighborhood. As I progressed through the oddly-configured area, I realized it was last spring when Shadow was last able to walk the whole thing with me. I guess I just thought I would have longer with him and he was older sooner than I was willing to acknowledge - even as I was adapting what he could do and enjoying other aspects of his aging and "calming down," I didn't want to acknowledge that meant that I was closer to losing him. I'll go to the office today and not worry about how long I am gone and leaving for DC tomorrow will be easier.

Shadow used to always get upset when I would pack so I usually put off packing to the morning of the trip. When I went to Chicago two weeks ago, I was able to get clothes organized with his being on the bed and, since I'd been changing closests that week, he didn't seem to connect it without the suitcase out - usually he's laying right in the middle of the clothes and I dont think he did this time. He used to even try to lay in the suitcase, cute little guy.

I'm surprised I'm sleeping okay although I did wake up before 5am this morning panicking because I couldn't find Shadow and thought he had fallen off the bed. It took a few minutes to wake up to realize I wouldn't find him even on the floor. Since I knew I would be exhausted not only today but for my trip tomorrow, I allowed myself the option of just going back to sleep and although that has made this morning more hectic, it was well worth it. (Reading and writing blog entries is part of the normalizing of my routine I'm trying to keep in place since this is the first morning of "business as usual" since I took him to Doc on Wednesday.

I'll just have to keep remembering the good times.

In the meantime, the grading fairy is overdue on her visit to my house and I have grades to discuss this afternoon along with an important meeting.

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hi...i'm so sorry about your loss. i'm a huge dog lover and know how much it hurts, especially after so many years. thanks for sharing.
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