Sunday, November 25, 2007

Sunday morning

The first Sunday morning without my little man . .. . went to get the newspaper at the nearby convenience store. It's been awhile since we could walk there together. The cold winter weather first hit on Wednesday and, in hindsight, given that Shadow had little reaction to it given his frail condition, it only confirmed that it was time for him to go. The last morning I woke up here, I was taking him to the vet knowing in the back of my mind it was time to let him go but wanting Doc to confirm it.

I knew once the activity of Thanksgiving had subsided, it would be a bit more difficult. But I have plenty of work that needs to be done before I leave for DC on Tuesday and needing to focus on those projects plus the grading that needs to be done will probably be what gets me through. Part of me is glad I"m really busy for the next month and part of me wants to just "check out". The closest emotional proximity I have is the two serious boyfriends leaving and, for the last one, I was paralyzed for several months. So, I am dealing much better with this but this morning my heart literally aches. I cleaned out the dishwasher and there were numerous dishes I had pulled out to help him eat since getting food out of his bowl was increasingly harder. I know it will just take time.

Last Sunday I was in Chicago and had the CBS Sunday morning show on in the background. I've been listening to NPR on Sunday mornings for most of this summer and fall but couldn't bear it this morning given the pet show that is one each Sunday. But I didn't realize that our local CBS station broadcasts a church instead of the CBS Morning Show with Charles Osgood. And, of course, this is the network we don't get a "double" of from Kansas City. I'll have to see what I can find online.

It's a cloudy day with rain/snow possible later. I know it is a blessing that Shadow went when he did given that the cold weather would be quite hard on him. His not reacting to it Wednesday am was yet another sign he was ready to go. My friend in Minnesota has had the test results come back on her family's 12 1/2 year old dog and the spot on his leg is cancerous. Operating on him would only cripple him and the cancer may not be what gets him given his age and they have decided to just let him live as full a life as possible even if it possibly ends up being for a shorter end of time. We met online within a year or two of getting our dogs - (the age difference is that Shadow was 2 when I got him and they adopted Freddie as a pup) - but it is sad we're losing both of them at the same time.

I did take the neighbors up on their offer of coming over to pet their dog - a quite hyper Corgi and then I took him on a walk. I discovered he hasn't learned to walk on a leash yet without tripping the person walking him and it takes much more strength to hold onto him than it did Shadow - esp. given that he doesn't understand the retractable leash - so I will have to look up how to work on that.

I went over to June's last night and had fun with Gracie - who is usually so hyper with company there. I did what I had heard about dogs jumping on you and turned around until she sat quietly for me to pet her. She was so cute. I could "talk" to her more easily.

I know I will get through today - it just seems like a huge challenge right now. I keep reminding myself Shadow is in a better place and probably up keeping Sadie Bess company.

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