Sunday, February 27, 2011
Anniversaries
We are almost through the one-year anniversaries. A year ago today (although tomorrow is actually the calendar anniversary but today is the day of the week anniversary - Sunday) I was in a daze after having stayed up all night with Mom as she slowly drifted away from us. I stayed with her until after the last time she opened her eyes. I then went home knowing I would return to the Carthage house to help Dad.
I literally could have almost fallen asleep standing up the night before but, as a friend told me who had recently lost his mother, you find strength you didn't know you had. I drove home and stopped to get something to eat on the way but knew my world was turned upside down in more ways than one. I didn't take any benadryl to help me actually sleep given that it was ten o-clock in the morning because I knew I could get the call anytime that she was gone and Dad was returning home. I didn't want him to be there by himself.
I was home only a few hours when that call came. I did a few things around the house and headed to Carthage and arrived not too longer after Dad did. Or at least that is how I remember it. We started the funeral preparations the next morning.
So, now to get through March 4.
Parts of this past ten days have not been as hard as I thought they would be and some have been much harder. I still have to work through the feelings of guilt and just keep reminding myself she went out the way she wanted to go out and she was "done".
As it was last year, it's grant-writing season and I am learning to manage that and not feel like everyone's grant is 100% on my shoulders. And I am working with some fun and interesting people across the country.
There's also much to do at the office. I've finished seeing 11 of the 15 student teachers. I should be able to fit in the rest before spring break. This week we have our last spring seminar with our current grant group and will preview our summer trip from Memphis to New Orleans.
I literally could have almost fallen asleep standing up the night before but, as a friend told me who had recently lost his mother, you find strength you didn't know you had. I drove home and stopped to get something to eat on the way but knew my world was turned upside down in more ways than one. I didn't take any benadryl to help me actually sleep given that it was ten o-clock in the morning because I knew I could get the call anytime that she was gone and Dad was returning home. I didn't want him to be there by himself.
I was home only a few hours when that call came. I did a few things around the house and headed to Carthage and arrived not too longer after Dad did. Or at least that is how I remember it. We started the funeral preparations the next morning.
So, now to get through March 4.
Parts of this past ten days have not been as hard as I thought they would be and some have been much harder. I still have to work through the feelings of guilt and just keep reminding myself she went out the way she wanted to go out and she was "done".
As it was last year, it's grant-writing season and I am learning to manage that and not feel like everyone's grant is 100% on my shoulders. And I am working with some fun and interesting people across the country.
There's also much to do at the office. I've finished seeing 11 of the 15 student teachers. I should be able to fit in the rest before spring break. This week we have our last spring seminar with our current grant group and will preview our summer trip from Memphis to New Orleans.
Labels: Mom
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