Friday, November 09, 2007

Oops - and my Shadow man

Didn't realize I hadn't posted all week. It's been busy both on the home front and with work.

Will and I did an assessment workshop with area teachers on Wednesday and it was a great learning experience and the evals were excellent overall. (I always strive for perfection.). I'm still practicing my "i can't control every aspect of the world around me" approach and it seems to be working - especially in decreasing my stress level overall.

Yestereday was doctor's appointments - they alway seem to consume hours and hours and so I have finally learned not to expect to get much else done.

I was back in the saddle visiting student teachers on Monday - it was great getting back out into actual high school classrooms.

I have more meeting today than I would like but it is Friday after all . . . so there is an end in sight.

Yesterday I did get rolling on TAH grants.

I also took my little Shadow man to the doctor and the poor little guy is deteriorating faster than we thought - we're probably looking at weeks to months instead of months to years. I mainly want to be sure he isn't hurting or in pain in anyway. Since he's also starting to mentally detach, I'm missing part of him already. He does recognize me but doesn't hear out of one ear and only partially in another but still sees some movement. He does get upset when I go and seems happy to see me when I return but the major change is that he used to stay right with me whenever he was beting petted and now he's more likely to leave me. I do have to pick him up more - no more jumping up and down and it's better than he not hop on the steps. The vet did give him a shot and he seems to feel better - I think he was so sore from falling off the bed a couple of nights before (part of what precipated the office visit).

When I lost Sadie Bess ten days after moving into the house I built because there was nowhere suitable to rent in this small town that allowed pets, I swore I would never be without a dog and would always get a new one before I lost the old one. However, Shadow has always been a one dog household - he tolerates other critters but has always been more people-centered. And my research indicated there was the possibility that he would give up sooner if he knew he was replaced. And, on a more selfish note, it's all I can do to handle his extra needs right now without adding a younger (probably rescue again) animal to the house. In fact, I will probably take a break and travel more and the next animal will member of the family will be acclimated to doggy day care options that are for groups and not individual dogs so it's easier on both of us for me to fulfill work-related commitments. Of course, my guilt with Shadow is huge right now - am afraid every time I leave him that it will be the last time. And yesterday I left him at Mom and Dad's while I was at the dentist and didn't realize the cleaning lady was coming so when he heard her upstairs, he was upset the entire time. I'm kicking myself (and wasn't too happy with her given that she didn't go let him out given all his barking) that I didn't just let him hang out in the car - but I thought it would be quieter at mom and dad's house. On the other hand, as I finally had to convince myself last week, I can't keep him from dying. And, so far, his quality of life is still generally good given that he is responsive and still excited about eating and going out. He comes up to me at the computer and puts his paws up and just wags his little tail as fast as it will go. There are also some emotional issues attached to his going that are mine and not his - where I thought my personal life would be before he was gone. But, as with the rest of life, there are no guarantees.

The leaves are gorgeous and starting to hit their red/yellow peak - too bad too much of today has to be spent inside - but at least some meeting spaces have windows!

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