Kelly in Kansas

The election is over and we can now do more looking forward than looking back. There is still a great deal to "settle out" but I have confidence that Washington will do what it always does. Brownback will return to Kansas as governor and it will be interesting to see how he translates his DC experience back to Topeka politics, especially education and the economy. 

A friend is re-entering the workforce after being at home with the kids, doing an infinite amount of volunteering, and being elected to the school board. It will be interesting to see what path she ultimately chooses. Right now she is overwhelmed with the possibilities of what she could do. It's another thing we have in common, we like to do lots of diverse tasks and not just focus in on one. Most importantly, it keeps it interesting and we don't have to worry about getting bored.

I'm gradually learning to do little things for myself (old habits are hard to break). It actually does help keep me more sane. A friend pushed some buttons way too hard last week and learned that I just don't take that any more no matter how well-intentioned the original impulses may be. And it did feel good. Only wished I had learned that about 35 years ago but there is still time to add it to my bag of reality tricks in dealing with real life.

This is travel month but I have, in many ways, looked forward to it.  An important committee meeting with a new person at the organizational help who actually wants input from a diverse group of experts (I'm "user interface" meaning the average user not the expert user that already knows all of the descriptive terms surrounding what they are looking for.) 

Later this week is a national conference which will primarily be an opportunity to catch up with research colleagues. With enrollment this week, I could not attend the early part of the more formal research part of the process. Because of my new chair, I have been allowed to return to providing more assistance to colleagues in helping advise students and it will be a nice change from all of the preventable emergencies showing up at the door. In general, students are having more trouble understanding that the guidelines they've heard several times by the time they get to me really do apply to them no matter what other plan they might have. But, as I contemplate this, I think it is more societal that they are used to everyone else taking care of them. Given the fact that they will be responsible for a countless number of young people in a short time, we have to find ways to help them get to where they need to be before they enter a classroom as the teacher instead of the students. They may involve a few hard lessons for some but tough times sometimes call for tough love. If they can't handle some of these guidelines, they really aren't ready to be in front of the classroom anyway. The lack of jobs, of course, is a whole other issue we are trying to prepare them for but, again, they won't really internalize it until they literally smack up against it. Even people in their 30s and 40s returning to school seem to think there is an increasing demand for teachers but I feel compelled to be realistic with them and let them make the call. To be fair, by the time they get to me, they are already committed to the decision - especially regarding student loans - so I just have to do my best to help them get where they want to be.


I'll come early from this conference to head to a groundbreaking ceremony for the nation's newest presidential library. Given my interest in what presidents do after they leave office, it will be intriguing to see it up close and personal. 


Students will be turning in some big projects before Thanksgiving. Twenty-five years of teaching experience has shown that is it is a very good thing to get the draft version in and give them a chance to take a break from school (or at least a longer diversion) before they come back to it to revise and resubmit. Then, the end of the semester will be up on us.


On the personal front, it is still a roller coaster although I'm sometimes able to anticipate when it will get harder. We knew the holidays would be hard. And I have some associated guilt since I remember thinking "what if this is the last year we have Mom at Thanksgiving". I'm still working on banishing the guilty thoughts. She went out the way she wanted to - without causing too much trouble for anyone else. Dad is FINALLY (it's been more than eight months now) headed out on his big motor home trip. It will be good for him, especially after this week verbalizing how he's really missing Mom. I'm glad he realizes it won't be the same. Someone asked him if I was as good a cook as Mom and he let them know I'm better than most. They shouldn't have put him in that position in the first place, though. Mom was an unusually good cook in the first place and while I fare pretty well, his daughter's cooking is not his wife's. 


We're paring down on some of the extras Mom used to bring and one of them I made for him at his house - candy apples - since when I tried to make them for the first Thanksgiving I hosted, I ruined a burner on my new stove when the pan full of sugar overflowed. Not a good input factor to getting everything else ready to go - especially Tom Turkey.


That reminds me that looking for a turkey was more challenging than expected. Last year, I ended up with one with out the "innards" and, in my world, the prepared gravy packet just doesn't cut it - especially since Mom's showing me how to take the meat off the neck that her Aunt Bertie loved just can't be replicated by the gravy packet. So, in my search this year, I discovered that Butterball is "holding back" it's complete turkeys and is pushing a very large (can you say hormones?) breast that is packaged to look like the whole turkey. I have a feeling some holiday cooks are going to be surprised when they open up their almost thawed package. Apparently, they are holding the full turkeys back from the grocery stores to sell this "new product". Luckily, the smaller town grocery store nearby had a real turkey with giblets included. It's about 2 pounds bigger than I would have liked but I picked it up while the "gettin' was good". 


A few years ago, Dad mentioned that I would have "first dibs" at Christmas. Mom used to prepare the same large turkey feast Christmas Day - in addition to all the other Christmas responsibilities she had. He's gotten the message earlier rather than later that I will be happy to let my brother handle this one. As I anticipated, that means Dad will help him take care of it. But, as a friend told me, I can't work it all out for them. I can only set my boundaries. 


In fact, I would actually at some point like to travel at the Christmas holiday given all the great deals you can get. I do think, however, that we will have one more Christmas in the family home. After that, all bets are off. It is quite a big place for Dad to be all by himself. And it will be especially lonely without Mom this winter. 


I still find it difficult to offer him support without his shooting back that he is fine. But I will just offer occasionally - reminding him he can always call. I did remind him last week that although I really miss Mom, it is truly much harder on him. I think he just needs to hear that it's okay that he's facing a challenging time now. 


And I have to remember that I am, too.

Labels: family, friends, Mom, Thanksgiving, travel, work

There is plenty to do but a feeling that it is all possible if I don't let myself get overwhelmed. There's still a week before one of my F2F classes meets to start the semester. I will put up some more material for them to prep for the first part of the semester. Seeing who has taken time to take a look and work on some of it enough to have questions will help me get to know my students a bit better before I see them the first time. I keep thinking of ways to get around the various issues perplexing students when they enroll in a class late. I don't want to hold the rest up but it's hard not to create extra work for yourself when students seem to think it is up to you to catch them up instead of their showing a bit more initiative - esp. with all of it online on the university's CMS site. (If I'm rambling a bit more than usual, it's because I'm thinking aloud.)

The best news right now is that my annual performance report that is due Tuesday is already submitted. I was able to get enough of it done before break despite the numerous distractions from the normal semester. This year I'll aim to get it done before I go on break and maybe just have to wait for the end-of-course evaluations.

One of the small breakthroughs I've had lately is to look at these evaluations as what they are - course evaluations - and not evaluations just of me. Some students love the technology throughout the classes while others are still struggling with it apparently unaware how much of it will govern their future work lives. I have a course release for an outside service responsibility for the next two semesters and am hoping that, unlike my last course release, I don't let the work on fewer classes just expand to still fill the normal time it takes to handle a 12-hour load.

I've been able to get quite a bit of Truman work done even if it's not as much as I'd like. And I can finally give up the hope of finishing all the big household rearrangement tasks (if I haven't used it since I moved in over 15 years ago, I can probably get rid of it or donate it to charity) and resign myself to just keep plugging away on them. At least the outside isn't calling as much given the weather although more leaves need gathered. (That's probably related to the immediate neighbors who haven't picked up any and they keep blowing this way. . .. )

Not meeting my first class until the second week is preferred to meeting it once right away (it's once a week) and then having a week off. There's not as much playing catch up with the students who add in between.

I've posted the graduate syllabus for the course on political cartoons for the semester with all of the detail on the assignments. All that is left is creating the unit folders and links in the CMS. But that's a task for late in the day or evening and not when I'm at my best writing.

I had been feeling guilty that I wasn't working til 11pm like I did back in my 20s and 30s but am discovering that I can actually get more done if I take some time off. And in talking to a colleague that is a prolific scholar, she said she always stops at 6pm (unless there's an immediate deadline for indexing or proofs) and chills out - watching tv reruns is a favorite. She says some of her best ideas come then when she is letting her scholarly brain rest. I remember my major professor saying my best ideas would come when I was walking on the beach (my first TT job was at the University of West Florida) and while I didn't quite believe him and did NOT spend enough time on the beach the year I was there, I did finish the dissertation.

So, this week I need to get in my regular pattern for the semester before the grant teacher institutes and travel starts in late February.

But I am now ensuring that I take Sundays to read the newspapers. I used to not let myself do that until late in the day but have decided that is a good reward for working so hard all week. Besides, I will be working later today anyway.

Labels: classes, CMS, colleagues, students, teaching, work, writing

It rained a bit overnight - not enough to keep me from weedeating and just enough to put the weedkiller down without having to haul the hoses out.

Molly is feeling more comfortable out here. She did great on the trip even though she had a few intrusions into her comfort zone that were a bit too sudden. It is funny, tough, how she still barks at the ice maker when it drops ice.

I have some work to review and chapters to review but the best news is that the larger project is now much more manageable.

I went to the farmers' market on Friday and Thusday went to the orchards in Missouri to get peaches for Mom. She even felt good enough to make peach cobbler for Dad.

Right now, the last part of Smokey and the Bandit (#1) is on - what a fun movie - and now it tells the story of a different time in lots of ways.

Time to get some breakfast.

Labels: farm, Molly, saturday, weeds, work

I guess I chose the wrong advanced degrees . . .

You Should Get a MBA (Masters of Business Administration)

You're a self starter with a drive for success. You'd make a great entrepreneur.

Labels: college, degrees, work

It's raining again but I am inside in a meeting most of the day so at least I'm not missing one of our rare sunny days this summer.

It's been a busy week but I'm almost caught up. Lots of encouraging other people to meet past due deadlines so we can move forward on a big project. It's always a challenge when you're not the only one involved in a project - as academics in the humanities, we're most used to working alone. That can be good and bad.

The weekend will be filled with yard work and housework since I'll be gone for two weeks almost solid and the rest of the summer will be one of being constantly on the move - but it should all be both challenging and fun.

And, Molly continues to make progress.

Labels: grants, Molly, rain, summer, work

I actually survived more than a week without email. Who knew?

Now, my new task is to learn how to deal with the mountains of work waiting for me at home. . .. .

Labels: vacation, work

If only all the rain were snow . .. . . . I was able to get some outside work done and also relieve some stress in the process yesterday and this morning . . . until it started sprinkling. I was hoping for one more good snow. What we're getting now is supposed to turn into a wintry mix tomorrow morning. We'll see what the roads are like. I decided to go ahead and stay at the farm and just enjoy the time. I was able to get quite a bit done on one project with only one slow-up before dinner when the internet was out for a little bit. (At least this connection is way more reliable than my Cox cable internet connection in town.)

I'm watching No Reservations on PPV. So far it's a good story. The main character is much like me but even more high strung . . . It would be nice to have a large storage cooler to walk into occasionally.

I changed out the wrong gas (with oil) from the 4 wheeler but still can't get it to start. I'll just have to keep trying and also do some internet searches to see what else I can do to work through the wrong gas. This is the time of year I use it most so it's frustrating - esp. when I'm trying to gather wood to burn - it's good exercise but takes a lot longer without the 4 wheeler.

I'm gradually conditioning myself to not be overwhelmed and the next step is to not let others demand so much of me - I already do that enough to myself. I'm trying to take one project at a time and instead of trying to get everything done every day to concentrate on one or two major tasks and consider anything else a bonus. Then, occasionally there are just catch-up days. I'm not going to volunteer to put together any more programs either. I have one I was asked to join, three I've put together and one at one of our big conferences I was asked to put together to be scholarly and teacher-friendly.

I'm really missing having a dog - esp. now that I'm learning to intersperse downtime as a more regular part of my life (ie not working every evening) but with two meetings so close together at the end of April, I will probably have to wait until then. That will give me a good amount of time to bond before my June meetings. If I don't find the right fit in early May, then I will wait until after I meet with teachers for the ten days in June when we do Kansas City and Chicago - esp. since I don't have someone who can dog sit anymore.

Labels: chicago, conferences, demands, Kansas City, meetings, rain, snow, work

Didn't realize I hadn't posted all week. It's been busy both on the home front and with work.

Will and I did an assessment workshop with area teachers on Wednesday and it was a great learning experience and the evals were excellent overall. (I always strive for perfection.). I'm still practicing my "i can't control every aspect of the world around me" approach and it seems to be working - especially in decreasing my stress level overall.

Yestereday was doctor's appointments - they alway seem to consume hours and hours and so I have finally learned not to expect to get much else done.

I was back in the saddle visiting student teachers on Monday - it was great getting back out into actual high school classrooms.

I have more meeting today than I would like but it is Friday after all . . . so there is an end in sight.

Yesterday I did get rolling on TAH grants.

I also took my little Shadow man to the doctor and the poor little guy is deteriorating faster than we thought - we're probably looking at weeks to months instead of months to years. I mainly want to be sure he isn't hurting or in pain in anyway. Since he's also starting to mentally detach, I'm missing part of him already. He does recognize me but doesn't hear out of one ear and only partially in another but still sees some movement. He does get upset when I go and seems happy to see me when I return but the major change is that he used to stay right with me whenever he was beting petted and now he's more likely to leave me. I do have to pick him up more - no more jumping up and down and it's better than he not hop on the steps. The vet did give him a shot and he seems to feel better - I think he was so sore from falling off the bed a couple of nights before (part of what precipated the office visit).

When I lost Sadie Bess ten days after moving into the house I built because there was nowhere suitable to rent in this small town that allowed pets, I swore I would never be without a dog and would always get a new one before I lost the old one. However, Shadow has always been a one dog household - he tolerates other critters but has always been more people-centered. And my research indicated there was the possibility that he would give up sooner if he knew he was replaced. And, on a more selfish note, it's all I can do to handle his extra needs right now without adding a younger (probably rescue again) animal to the house. In fact, I will probably take a break and travel more and the next animal will member of the family will be acclimated to doggy day care options that are for groups and not individual dogs so it's easier on both of us for me to fulfill work-related commitments. Of course, my guilt with Shadow is huge right now - am afraid every time I leave him that it will be the last time. And yesterday I left him at Mom and Dad's while I was at the dentist and didn't realize the cleaning lady was coming so when he heard her upstairs, he was upset the entire time. I'm kicking myself (and wasn't too happy with her given that she didn't go let him out given all his barking) that I didn't just let him hang out in the car - but I thought it would be quieter at mom and dad's house. On the other hand, as I finally had to convince myself last week, I can't keep him from dying. And, so far, his quality of life is still generally good given that he is responsive and still excited about eating and going out. He comes up to me at the computer and puts his paws up and just wags his little tail as fast as it will go. There are also some emotional issues attached to his going that are mine and not his - where I thought my personal life would be before he was gone. But, as with the rest of life, there are no guarantees.

The leaves are gorgeous and starting to hit their red/yellow peak - too bad too much of today has to be spent inside - but at least some meeting spaces have windows!

Labels: appointments, assessment, fall, Greenbush, house, leaves, meetings, schools, Shadow, student teachers, teacher workshops, work

I'm spending the last weekend of summer at the lake. Although I had planned to get here more often, it's been mid-late June since I was here. We went out on the boat for lunch and had some great crab rangoon at Backwater Jack's.

The energy of the lake has dispelled from summer since, although it's in the 80s today, we're outside the traditional summer window of Memorial Day to Labor Day. It also means fewer of the neighbors are down so there's not as much random noise. The newbies at the lake, for example, don't realize that playing their boat stereo is heard louder across the cove than where they are sitting on their dock. ;-)

Since TAH grants started, summers just zoom by - and this one even faster than ever. But that may also be a sign of getting older every year.

My students are bearing more of the responsibility of doing their work this semester and although it's taking some gradual condition on my part not to worry about them so much, it is a normal expectation that they can read directions and, more importantly, be expected to follow them instead of just "sorta" doing so. And this is especially true of graduate students. I am trying to redirect my psychic energy into worthwhile directions instead of directions over which I have no control.

My teaching methods class has self-selected down to 4 people - a very manageable group - and much more so who dropped because they sensed it was "too much work". We're expected to meet increasingly higher standards but students are still stretching to see how this connects back to them. My job is not to get them ready to student teach next semester but, instead, give them the opportunity to do so. In return, I am causing much less stress damage to my internal self - both physically and psychologically.

The dirt work at the farm also came into focus late last week which, in return, releases a large dose of psychic energy. Now I can turn to other issues that haven't been hanging over my head for years. I do much better with tasks I can just do myself - but operating dirt moving equipment is certainly NOT one of those. Next on the list is getting rid of the armadillos who have almost taken over both the area around the house and the fields.

Some longtime neighbors are moving. I haven't seen them to ask them to where - although it will still be in town. I will certainly miss them - I watched their kids go from pre-teen and early teenager to all grown up with jobs and families. The newer younger neighbors on the other side fill in somewhat of a gap - but a bit different now that I am the age of my neighbors who are moving when I first moved to the neighborhood. I guess it beats the alternative. And, I certainly appreciate my retired neighbors who always keep out a watchful eye over me - and, more importantly, my mail.

I notice Shadow has deteriorated a bit more since we were here in early summer - and maybe that is because I'm paying more attention. I can't take him on long walks anymore given that that will stress his little heart too much. He had an excitable evening the other night running around and playing with me - I just kept an eye on his breathing, etc., - and he reminded me he still as some "young pup" energy occasionally. He's never been much of a dog that wants to play either with people or other dogs. He sets his own course and I've tried to give him a good life. He has always been a great companion - occasionally needing his space but also understanding the need to "cuddle" and be petted.

Home is where I'll be for another week before I head off to a conference in Oklahoma City with some grant teachers and then, two weeks later, the grant directors' conference in New Orleans. . . disaster tour by a local included.

Labels: grant, history, neighbors, Shadow, stress, summer, teaching, vacation, work

Just finished a huge project- or at least the segment that was due before part is due each week this month. It was fun once I was able to get my head wrapped around it.

Off for 3 days away - a summer vacation at last!

Labels: projects, summer, vacation, work

It's Saturday morning, the first of September. While we're all usually more aware of the time when we take time to look at the clocks on our computers, I'm not sure we're always as aware of the dates. I find that more of a challenge lately because too much time seems to slip by too quickly.

My friend and I apparently missed our opportunity to see No Reservations at the first run theater and there are no other movies that interest me. The Bourne movie does but I need to make sure to see all of its predecessors from beginning to end to understand it.

I read someone else's blog entry that relates to a colleagues comment about some of my blog entries that focus so much on weather. I hadn't given much thought to so many places where people live (esp. cities) where weather just isn't a factor. Right now, we're watching the weather not only for storms but for signs that it will finally cool down - which it did significantly for the first time last night - below 60. It's actually cool outside this morning - and I don't just mean a cool breeze in the distance. :-)

Fall may actually be my favorite time of year although I love the winter when there is a good clean snow on the ground - it's like a time of renewal. For most of my live the ebb and flow of the seasons and the academic year have been the guiding factors of the "time" in my life - quite different than the year-round jobs most of the world deals with on a daily basis.

This is a work weekend so that I can take off a few weekdays for a long-postponed family event. It already feels productive, however, which is a good thing.

I'm off to the farmer's market in town. I missed the one in nearby town which had some outstanding fried green tomatoes. Wonder what is left today - so late in the season. I primarily have herbs left in my own garden - a giant basil plant and rosemary that is doing okay plus some sweet banana peppers. I had some outstanding cherry tomatoes but the big tomatoes didn't do their thing this year. As with every year, I either have too much time or not enough time for the garden.

And, more good news, the cit is finally getting serious about the fixing the clogged drainage situation that goes on for about 1/2 mile behind my house and the neighbor's house. A new development behind us just chose to push everything - including large tree trunks - onto our property rather than staying back a few feet and keeping it on their own property. I'm still not understanding why the city can't force the developer to fix the problem he created but he's certainly not scoring any points with the neighbors.

Labels: catching up, city, drainage, seasons, September, vacation, weather, work

Things finally clicked today so that, while there are many impending deadlines, they appear to be manageable. In fact, most will be fun tasks to complete. I'm also gradually making progress on the yard - at least the growth should start slowing a bit as the side effect of all the recent heat.

Meetings are on tap for tomorrow. Then I should feel on top of the new teaching semester.

Labels: deadlines, semester, work

Now that the waters have parted, I was able to get back out to the farm.

I was waiting for a repair person when I kept hearing something bang against the kitchen window. Mr. Redbird is back. Poor little guy is determined- it's like he's taking a running start at it and then sits on the window and tries to figure out why he can't get in. He worked on it for several hours today - even after I went out to chat with him about how he wasn't ever going to get in. I just hope I don't find him dead on the deck - poor little guy.

I finished the BIG project yesterday - just in time to go to dinner and watch fireworks. Today I was able to get quite a bit of work done on a syllabus (or at least course planning) and then this evening was quite productive outside with the weedeater and the sprayer for the weedkiller. I bought a little Black and Decker battery-powered sprayer - it's been great! I'll work outside again in the morning when it's cool. Now that it has quite raining every day, summer really is here.

Labels: projects, redbird, work

Where did the weekend go? Am almost done with the big project.

Caught up with colleagues long-distance today. Paula gave me a hard time about discussing the weather too much but then dovetailed it into a discussion of environmental history.

So what about visuals of the latest weather?

Labels: flooding, Kansas, weather, work